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Goonies Ma
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Is this rhyming poem good enough?
From the Movie "The Goonies" I wrote about a scene that I picked.
The scene is about.. when Ma Fratelli grabbed Willie's treasure, the booby trap went off.
So I wrote that scene in rhyming poem.. idk if it's good.. so here it is
Ma Fratelli’s eyes opening wide
Looking at the shining treasures
She walked to One Eyed Willie’s side
She thanked him with pleasure
Two grown men very excited
Their nostrils smelled the riches
Hands of the two men decided
To snatch all of its precious prices
Greedy Ma reached for special
She hears the booby trap go off
Now the boys and Ma tremble
Out their way before they cough
Does it make sense and if there's anything I should change tell me.. thanks ^^*
You might try adding the warning on the map, since it rhymes:
"Ye intruders beware.
Crushing death and grief...
...soaked with blood
of the trespassing thief. "
I don't know what Ma's special is, or why mention that they coughed. The first stanza is good, but you might try revising the rest, like take out the word "grown" "Hands of the two men decided" isn't necessary to say that they're men. Say, "Their devious hands decided." or some other word than devious.